The following are the left-over thoughts written down in a notebook while working. I recently said, "goodbye" to this job, only because I was offered a job with an actual salary. 
    In ancient Rome, there were people who actually made their living as professional mourners. I could do that. I need some business cards.
    There is a little vulturing going on for the scooter wheelchair. A lady puts it back after she is through driving and another lady moves pretty fast to get into it. It's cruel to think of people playing some form of mobility musical chairs with this thing.
    This store prides itself on being SO cheap. They sell peanuts for $1.00 per can. I have news for them. CVS sells peanuts for $6.99. But they're buy one get one free. I'm going there after work.
    What does a confederate battle flag with the letters "FTH" stand for? Whatever it means, I say to the tattoo artist, "Keep working at it. It almost looks like a real tattoo."
    A dad gives his 7 year-old a choice,"Which one are you getting, the marshmallows or the bananas? You're only getting one." The girls defies all natural instincts and said, "Bananas." The mom chimes in and says, "We'll get the marshmallows. Then there will be no messy peels."
    The bottled water brand is, "Niagra." With the graphic of a giant water drop covering part of the 'N,' it kind of looks like a 'V.' Hmm. That would sell.
    A couple young guys wander into the parking lot, split up, and grab two shopping carts. They "captain" them and disappear around the corner. They re-appear with more friends/family members and some goods in the carts. They wander of with a sense of accomplishment and an air of entitlement. I snap a couple shots because I am James Rockford at heart.

    A man in his mid to late forties approaches and talks with me for ten minutes. I'm thinking he has nothing to do and no one to talk to. He mentions his little girl is having a birthday party at Chuckie Cheese's next door. As he finally starts to leave, I say, "Have fun at the party." He responds, "Oh, it's not mine. It's my little girl's party." Oh. Could it be that I have been accidentally showing up (and having fun) at my girls' birthday parties?
    Note: Next time, while trying to sell something and someone says,"No thanks. I can't afford it." Don't respond, "I didn't think so."
    It's a good time I'm not judgmental. If I was, I would think something like, "Why is a person who looks that large going into Sports Authority? Hopefully it is for mall-walking shoes." And I should feel bad if I thought stuff like that.
    I almost make a sale to a person who doesn't read, yet needs papers for the rabbit cage. Instead of selling, I donated a stack of them to her for rabbit toilet paper.
    A man asks me if there is any good news in the papers I am selling. I told him that I know of only one source for truly Good News. He chuckles, points at the newspaper, and says,"And it ain't that, is it?"
    Talking to a man who has multiple diodes stuck to his arms and chest. What kind of Tech doesn't take those off for you when you get an EKG? I wouldn't see all of the electronic contacts if this man's t-shirt was not see-through like Wonder Woman's plane.
    Cosmetology School. Cosmetology School.

Day 2:
    A lady in her 80's is wearing a pant suit. Every bit of it is see-thru.
    Decide to get exercise during my break. The strap breaks on the roller blades. I try to use them anyway but the wheels are like gummy worms. I decide to bike and my front brake is pressing against the wheel. I disconnect the brake and forge into the sweaty forest. I see two gopher tortoises, a squirrel and a skink. He's real fast. I need to use the outdoor facilities. I stop and am ambushed by mosquitoes. Literally dozens of them are on me instantly. I decide this is not a good place to expose any more flesh. I hop back on the bike and ride fast.
    When you give someone a free copy of the paper and they exit the store without one, what happened? Man, he reads fast.
    Not as many people taking a free paper today. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that there is a 12 inch, full color photo of a roach on the front page.
    How does an 88 year-old man get shot and still survive? The irony is that one day, no matter what, that dude will bow down on his knees to the King of Jews.
    There is a fire in the garbage can where someone threw out a cigarette. I report this man-made disaster and an assistant manager comes out with a special flexi-spouted watering can.
    A Redneck-American in a pick-up truck has a long conversation with a Female-American. The entire time, his hand rests on her rear end. She is outside the truck. This man has a long arm.
    Tomorrow is Southern Day. I will speak to everyone in a southern accent. And not one of those fake Tom Hanks accents.
    A man and woman walk in the store. He is wearing a wife-beater shirt. She is wearing a husband beater shirt. That's cute.
    Soon, I will turn into the Sham-Wow guy.
    Security Guard school.

    I started a new gig today. I started to market (sell) newspaper subscriptions. Here are some random events and thoughts listed chronologically.
     I am now selling newspaper subscriptions when I haven't even read a newspaper in 10 years. A lady asks me if the paper has a section for obituaries. I answer, "I don't know," not thinking that I could just LOOK in the paper to check.
    I am watching a man on the corner with a sign asking for free money. I am wondering if he is making more money than I am.
    A lady walks by and I refrain from asking if her blackberry would like a newspaper. Sometimes doing something feels like your doing something.
    Possible sales pitch: Ma'am, do you have a parakeet at home?
    A presumably homeless man enters Walgreens with his own shopping cart. I wonder if they do trade-ins. He could use an upgrade.
    A lady just told me I had a nice personality. That's what I've been working on all these years. Now, I can work on the looks.
    Homeless guy with a shopping cart crosses in front of a car and yells at the driver. How dare that driver drive in the direction that he was jaywalking.
    I'm looking at the color of the paper and the color of my legs and I'm a little jealous of how tan the paper appears.
    I bought mints today because I like to give my customers a little something extra. The amount of mints taken by customers: 8. The amount consumed by me 15. I smoked them.
    There is a fly that keeps landing on the newspaper. I think he has a death wish. Doesn't he realize what I can do with this paper?
    I decide to read a book during my slow times. I chose a book about Arab killings of Jews during the Holocaust. This should help off-set, or balance my smiley thoughts while talking to people.  Maybe that's why I suggested to a man who dropped his 2 liter diet coke to let an enemy open that bottle for him.
    I am a horrible salesman. I am selling at a drug store. The lady I just spoke to was high. She obviously was getting a refill on something. If I can't sell to someone who's stoned, I need much work. Like, seminar kind of work.
    I'm not sure what this call this marketing trick but I say, "Hello", she turns to say "Hi" back and runs into the pole in front of the door way. See, I was able to get her to stop.
    

    It's time to hang up our spurs in Colorado.
    Have you ever talked to someone who lost a job and went without work for five months? I'm that guy now. I used to think,"How on earth can he go without work for FIVE MONTHS?" I now know how, he does odd jobs, he applies for jobs and interviews non-stop, he blows through the financial reserves, he sells his baseball card collection, and he thinks about lying on his resume'.
    The realization has hit me that this has been nothing more than a long vacation. I have never seen a time in my life when the conversation of losing work is accompanied by so many "Me-toos." I've never had a time where there are so many offers of "employment" are followed by a request for my credit card number. I've never interviewed at so many jobs an thought that if I was sitting behind the desk, I wouldn't hire me either.
    Imagine a rope swing  hanging over a creek. You've got the rope and you give it a couple steps and swoop, you swing over the creek. You let go and land on the other side all safe a dry. Then you look back and see the rope swinging. If you jump, you can grab the rope and make it back. However, if you wait too long, you will lose that chance. The rope will eventually stop swinging and your chance for making it back are gone.
    We are jumping for the rope. I guess a person of bigger faith would have ignored the rope, or somehow cut the rope after making it to the other side. Maybe I have cut the rope in ways like, well, look at my resume'. Florida, California, Florida, Colorado, Florida. 
    So, when we get back to the warm side of the creek, I guess I should do one of two things: Work on building a new rope, or cut the rope that keeps taking me out of Florida.

Hi. I am America.
and I'm seventeen.
I'm nineteen. I'm forty. I'm
eighty-three.
But, I'm really seventeen.
...<< MORE >>

I set up a table (shop) at the Auburndale Flea Market today. If you want to see mullets, go to a flea market. If you go to a flea market (any flea market in the USA) and you can verify that you did not see one mullet wearing man or woman, I will personally rub your feet.
I arrived early to set up my profit center. As I waited for the office to open, the first employee walked in, grabbed a time card, punched in and in slow motion stroked his luxurious graying mullet.
So, 5 minutes and I already don't have to rub my own feet. However, the mullet do?..doo?..dew? Has a contender. It is the boy ponytail. It's taking over americana.
My head wants one. But my head and I do not see eye to... other eye this time. You see, I had the mullet but my head did not really want one. Just look what my head did to me to punish me. A pony tail was what it craved.
Well, I will now pay retribution on my head. I will forever shave it and leave it with no option. Never will it see even a Hollywood dork knob in back.
You can thank me later... when you get back from the flea market. Don't worry, I won't need to stock up on jergen's lotion.

The following is a prescription for a McCain/Palin Victory.

It's a animated cartoon ad in the style of Southpark.

Door bell rings.
Door opens.

Kid
"Trick Or Treat!"

Woman (yelling back into the house)
"Oh Honey look, how cute. Here's some candy for you."

Kid
hand points into the bag.

Woman
"Oh, you want more? Well... Let's save a little for the others."

Kid
"They already have more than their fair share. Give me theirs and I'll see that someone more deserving gets it."

Woman (looking back into the house)
"Oh Honey, it's little Karl Marx, and he's got the cutest little Barack Obama mask on."

Kid
Mumbles as he walks off, "Trick."

Fade Out

Title: "Barack Obama. He's real generous with other people's candy." 

Evelyn's favorite thing to eat is a hamburger. For too many years, it was officially called a hamgurber. The name was just too fun to correct. We finally enforced a name change of the burger about a year ago. Tonight, after I compared this week's burger to last week's burger, she uttered with a full mouth, "You mean the burger we ate last week was Elk?"

It slipped my mind to mention that. I do feel that I made up for that omission by stating this, "Yes. The burger you are eating now is elk." After about ten seconds, the chewing resumed.

It was good, by the way.

This guy was tricky. He stole the last bite of my sandwich. I think that can get you a $50k fine in some federal parks.



This guy wanted my sandwich.



This guy wanted to BE my sandwich.



She was just interested in posing.

There is a reason why so many evangelicals are getting fooled into carrying a marxist worldview. Karl planned it that way.

Here's a real quick history lesson. Karl Marx started out as a believer. He was very passionate about God as a teen. Something happened. There's no clear record of how and exactly when it happened, but he did a 180. He suddenly became enraged by the thought of God and the idea of a savior. His anger was what fueled his efforts to create this new "socialism." He figured if he could take away the people's need for a loving God, a Savior, the people would abandon their crosses and their Bibles.

As the legendary Gilbert Godfrey stated (in some movie way before the AFLAC gig came along), "Is there something that I can put in this hand to make you totally forget what's in THIS hand?" The idea is to get The State to replace Jesus, so instead of giving to your fellow man as a good Samaritan, you could just write a check to the government. Better yet, why don't you just let the government take charge of your paycheck and the government will decide how much you need. Perhaps someone else can use this money more than you can. Instead of rendering to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's, it all goes to Caesar.
 
Caesar is not above buying votes. God, on the other hand does not play that. He simply cares for us and He blesses us when we bless others. Christians, out of the goodness of their hearts get totally tricked into giving their treats to the wrong guy. Then we have less to affect the community with. I truly believe that some of the so-called leaders in this faith community are scams. Just like the TV preachers who fool us into donating our pension fund so we can get money blessings in return. When it comes to what we do with our money, I guess we're not all as wise a serpents and innocent as doves. There is a difference in the spitting social gospel preacher and the hair-sprayed television preacher: With the TV guy, I'd be giving my own money to finance a couple yachts. With the book writing social preacher, I'd be following his lead and voting for someone to forcefully take away not just mine, but other people's earnings to pay for a politician's Aruban armada. This country is on a slip-and-slide into flat-out marxist socialism. And it wasn't just Democrats who voted for government "bail-outs" of banks.

Who 'deserves' the money? I never thought envy was a virtue. I hear it, though. "Rich people should pay their fair share." How is paying a higher tax rate, FAIR? ENVY, my friend. We have justified confiscation of our neighbor's wealth with pet phrases like, "He can afford it." (One candidate stated that very phrase to Bill O'Reilly, guess which candidate.) I once heard someone say that one person looks at a rich person, let's say 'Oprah', and prays to God that he will make what Oprah makes. The other person sees Oprah and prays to God that Oprah would make what he makes. ENVY. You can dress it up for concern for your fellow man, but due to this marxist mentality, we shouldn't even need to pick up that bruised and broken guy on the street. It's the government's job. Thankfully plenty of people are not marxists at heart and there are a lot of rogue Samaritans out there. Hopefully they won't get sued.

So, many evangelicals have traded the freedom in our own hands for the marxism in the state's big old talon. Read his little manifesto. See what's next. Or, better yet; read your history book and see whom you have aligned yourself with.

Hint: _______ Marx, _______ Stalin, ______ Lenin, ______ Hitler, ______ Castro, ____ Zedong, ____ Pot. How many of these guys who liked to "spread the wealth" were buddies with Jesus people?