Now let me share with you, why I chose you?
I was chosen along with 4 other talented (go with me for now) comedic geniuses. We were the selected few among 900 total applicants to serve as Sketch Comedy Sci-Fi Ensemble Members. I received an invitation to attend the first meeting in Santa Monica. "You should consider this an honor", the invitation stated.
I had Kathleen drop me off so she and the girls could check out the beach. I was the first 'All-Star' to arrive.
Someone else answered the door of this RESIDENCE which apparently housed 4-6 grown men. "Biff (not his real name) you have a visitor," he yelled. "Come on in. He'll be down in a minute."
Biff came down with very sleepy eyes and a hair style shoved into a hat. "Hey, you must be Paul," he said.
"Sorry, I'm a little early," I said.
"Yeh. That's OK."
Then he asked the other two men who were in the kitchen and dining area if he could hold a meeting in the formal dining area because Jack said it was OK. I helped him take expensive video equipment down from his room which resembled a storage facility with stacks of everything.
He had powerpoint in mind. I was a little uncomfortable. since there was about 15 minutes until the meeting time, I headed out to a coffee shop for a little tea. I figured he might want to brush his teeth and maybe his hair.
When I returned from the café', there were 2 other member present in the living room.
I sat down and we chatted. Then Biff asked us if we wanted to watch a movie while we waited for him to get ready with his presentation. We three 'actors' looked at each other and then at our watches. "Well, how much more time do you need?" I asked.
"Well, we are not scheduled to meet for another hour at 10:30," he replied.
Silence.
Our Shakespearean chorus of three answered, "Daylight Savings TIME, Time, time..."
We couldn't wait for him to leave the room so we could properly snicker behind his back. It's just rude to do it when his actual back is right in front of you.
So, eventually all 5 of the chosen were sitting around the table while Biff explained in telemarketer's memorized script fashion. Biff whipped out a notebook with all of our info in it. He introduced each comedian to the rest of the family. 15 minutes into the speech, no one had an idea of what our assignment was to be. A voice was whispering in my ear, "Amway, Amway, Amway."
These are the moments that make me so proud to be a grown up. "Girls, daddy is sitting around a table and a 21 year-old beach guy is explaining why I am a part of his diabolical super scheme and how film school kicked him out because there is a conspiracy to squelch his type of talent. Oh yes, the Improv club is a part of it."
The pitch came. He wanted us to teach sketch comedy film making classes and charge 400 bucks. then we can each get a cut of the money and make our own movies.
The idea itself is not that far off from what tons of people are doing out here. One could spend more on classes than crack out here. Here they have people selling their babies to pay for acting classes.
The problem was the fact that none of the "chosen ones" knew that sci-fi comedy ensemble means "teachers". One guy was complimentary about the business model, but, "I just want to act, dude. It was an honor, but I'm going to go now."
Biff got up and locked the bolt to the front door, as if the guy might reconsider and come back, but it would be too late.
Another guy said, "I feel duped. You lied to us and I don't appreciate it." The woman in the group agreed. When Biff started to lose the room, he panicked. He tried to argue. But he was no match for the self-assured actor from New Jersey. He got up to leave and the woman followed. I looked at Biff whose eyes started to get dark and his head started to tilt down. I looked at the other actor who was sitting and figured if he left and I was still sitting, I might get the wrath of what was brewing in this young producer. So I sprang up and walked quickly to the door without saying a word.
The other actor rose up and followed. The entire supergroup Starship Kung-Fu Super Sci-FI Comedy Sketch Team America has walked out on our leader. When I glanced back, Biff had his hands in his head.
When I walked outside, I did not stop until I was in a safe distance and the other actors were at least closer to him in case I needed them as human shields. I was actually a bit frightened. Biff had a crazy look in his eye, like the kinda guy who turns animal and flings human waste.
I got a few blocks away and I called Kathleen for my extraction. She eventually pulled up, I jumped in the car. She said, "How was it?" I said, "Drive! Drive!"
I never did get to see the Powerpoint presentation.