Mindlint. The Blog.

Part 3: Remnants Of A Contract Job

2009-07-08T03:10:00Z

    The following are the left-over thoughts written down in a notebook while working. I recently said, "goodbye" to this job, only because I was offered a job with an actual salary.
    In ancient Rome, there were people who actually made their living as professional mourners. I could do that. I need some business cards.
    There is a little vulturing going on for the scooter wheelchair. A lady puts it back after she is through driving and another lady moves pretty fast to get into it. It's cruel to think of people playing some form of mobility musical chairs with this thing.
    This store prides itself on being SO cheap. They sell peanuts for $1.00 per can. I have news for them. CVS sells peanuts for $6.99. But they're buy one get one free. I'm going there after work.
    What does a confederate battle flag with the letters "FTH" stand for? Whatever it means, I say to the tattoo artist, "Keep working at it. It almost looks like a real tattoo."
    A dad gives his 7 year-old a choice,"Which one are you getting, the marshmallows or the bananas? You're only getting one." The girls defies all natural instincts and said, "Bananas." The mom chimes in and says, "We'll get the marshmallows. Then there will be no messy peels."
    The bottled water brand is, "Niagra." With the graphic of a giant water drop covering part of the 'N,' it kind of looks like a 'V.' Hmm. That would sell.
    A couple young guys wander into the parking lot, split up, and grab two shopping carts. They "captain" them and disappear around the corner. They re-appear with more friends/family members and some goods in the carts. They wander of with a sense of accomplishment and an air of entitlement. I snap a couple shots because I am James Rockford at heart.

    A man in his mid to late forties approaches and talks with me for ten minutes. I'm thinking he has nothing to do and no one to talk to. He mentions his little girl is having a birthday party at Chuckie Cheese's next door. As he finally starts to leave, I say, "Have fun at the party." He responds, "Oh, it's not mine. It's my little girl's party." Oh. Could it be that I have been accidentally showing up (and having fun) at my girls' birthday parties?
    Note: Next time, while trying to sell something and someone says,"No thanks. I can't afford it." Don't respond, "I didn't think so."
    It's a good time I'm not judgmental. If I was, I would think something like, "Why is a person who looks that large going into Sports Authority? Hopefully it is for mall-walking shoes." And I should feel bad if I thought stuff like that.
    I almost make a sale to a person who doesn't read, yet needs papers for the rabbit cage. Instead of selling, I donated a stack of them to her for rabbit toilet paper.
    A man asks me if there is any good news in the papers I am selling. I told him that I know of only one source for truly Good News. He chuckles, points at the newspaper, and says,"And it ain't that, is it?"
    Talking to a man who has multiple diodes stuck to his arms and chest. What kind of Tech doesn't take those off for you when you get an EKG? I wouldn't see all of the electronic contacts if this man's t-shirt was not see-through like Wonder Woman's plane.
    Cosmetology School. Cosmetology School.

Day 2: Paycheck Under Seige

2009-06-12T02:33:00Z

Day 2:
    A lady in her 80's is wearing a pant suit. Every bit of it is see-thru.
    Decide to get exercise during my break. The strap breaks on the roller blades. I try to use them anyway but the wheels are like gummy worms. I decide to bike and my front brake is pressing against the wheel. I disconnect the brake and forge into the sweaty forest. I see two gopher tortoises, a squirrel and a skink. He's real fast. I need to use the outdoor facilities. I stop and am ambushed by mosquitoes. Literally dozens of them are on me instantly. I decide this is not a good place to expose any more flesh. I hop back on the bike and ride fast.
    When you give someone a free copy of the paper and they exit the store without one, what happened? Man, he reads fast.
    Not as many people taking a free paper today. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that there is a 12 inch, full color photo of a roach on the front page.
    How does an 88 year-old man get shot and still survive? The irony is that one day, no matter what, that dude will bow down on his knees to the King of Jews.
    There is a fire in the garbage can where someone threw out a cigarette. I report this man-made disaster and an assistant manager comes out with a special flexi-spouted watering can.
    A Redneck-American in a pick-up truck has a long conversation with a Female-American. The entire time, his hand rests on her rear end. She is outside the truck. This man has a long arm.
    Tomorrow is Southern Day. I will speak to everyone in a southern accent. And not one of those fake Tom Hanks accents.
    A man and woman walk in the store. He is wearing a wife-beater shirt. She is wearing a husband beater shirt. That's cute.
    Soon, I will turn into the Sham-Wow guy.
    Security Guard school.

Marketing Giant Hard At Work

2009-06-11T01:40:00Z

    I started a new gig today. I started to market (sell) newspaper subscriptions. Here are some random events and thoughts listed chronologically.
     I am now selling newspaper subscriptions when I haven't even read a newspaper in 10 years. A lady asks me if the paper has a section for obituaries. I answer, "I don't know," not thinking that I could just LOOK in the paper to check.
    I am watching a man on the corner with a sign asking for free money. I am wondering if he is making more money than I am.
    A lady walks by and I refrain from asking if her blackberry would like a newspaper. Sometimes doing something feels like your doing something.
    Possible sales pitch: Ma'am, do you have a parakeet at home?
    A presumably homeless man enters Walgreens with his own shopping cart. I wonder if they do trade-ins. He could use an upgrade.
    A lady just told me I had a nice personality. That's what I've been working on all these years. Now, I can work on the looks.
    Homeless guy with a shopping cart crosses in front of a car and yells at the driver. How dare that driver drive in the direction that he was jaywalking.
    I'm looking at the color of the paper and the color of my legs and I'm a little jealous of how tan the paper appears.
    I bought mints today because I like to give my customers a little something extra. The amount of mints taken by customers: 8. The amount consumed by me 15. I smoked them.
    There is a fly that keeps landing on the newspaper. I think he has a death wish. Doesn't he realize what I can do with this paper?
    I decide to read a book during my slow times. I chose a book about Arab killings of Jews during the Holocaust. This should help off-set, or balance my smiley thoughts while talking to people. Maybe that's why I suggested to a man who dropped his 2 liter diet coke to let an enemy open that bottle for him.
    I am a horrible salesman. I am selling at a drug store. The lady I just spoke to was high. She obviously was getting a refill on something. If I can't sell to someone who's stoned, I need much work. Like, seminar kind of work.
    I'm not sure what this call this marketing trick but I say, "Hello", she turns to say "Hi" back and runs into the pole in front of the door way. See, I was able to get her to stop.

Swinging Dixie

2009-04-05T00:26:00Z

    It's time to hang up our spurs in Colorado.
    Have you ever talked to someone who lost a job and went without work for five months? I'm that guy now. I used to think,"How on earth can he go without work for FIVE MONTHS?" I now know how, he does odd jobs, he applies for jobs and interviews non-stop, he blows through the financial reserves, he sells his baseball card collection, and he thinks about lying on his resume'.
    The realization has hit me that this has been nothing more than a long vacation. I have never seen a time in my life when the conversation of losing work is accompanied by so many "Me-toos." I've never had a time where there are so many offers of "employment" are followed by a request for my credit card number. I've never interviewed at so many jobs an thought that if I was sitting behind the desk, I wouldn't hire me either.
    Imagine a rope swing hanging over a creek. You've got the rope and you give it a couple steps and swoop, you swing over the creek. You let go and land on the other side all safe a dry. Then you look back and see the rope swinging. If you jump, you can grab the rope and make it back. However, if you wait too long, you will lose that chance. The rope will eventually stop swinging and your chance for making it back are gone.
    We are jumping for the rope. I guess a person of bigger faith would have ignored the rope, or somehow cut the rope after making it to the other side. Maybe I have cut the rope in ways like, well, look at my resume'. Florida, California, Florida, Colorado, Florida.
    So, when we get back to the warm side of the creek, I guess I should do one of two things: Work on building a new rope, or cut the rope that keeps taking me out of Florida.

Hi. I Am America

2009-01-29T23:16:00Z

Hi. I am America.
and I'm seventeen.
I'm nineteen. I'm forty. I'm eighty-three.
But, I'm really seventeen.
I don't approve of authority.
I do not authorize it.
I will follow no leader who is not seventeen.
When that one guy gets another piercing,
I must padlock the fleshy sensitive part of my chest.
I make statements.
I don't have discourse.
I mock and laugh at the wise.
Listening to the old is stupid.
I'm America. I'm seventeen.
I pledge no real allegiance.
I pay no respect to a president.Most presidents are too old.
I would follow a leader like me.
One who makes up his own rules.
Follows his heart.
But listen to one who goes by the book?
Forget it.
Have you seen who wrote "the book?"
Old!
I watch TV.
And I understand it all.
What they tell me is true.
Because they are seventeen.
I have no reason to base my beliefs,
My politics, my theology,
On principle.
I have a stronger foundation.
I have signed up with my brothers and my sisters,
To carry the banner of 'Passion' and of 'Feelings.'
My brothers and my sisters,
All seventeen.
My mom, forty-four. My dad, forty-eight.
Me, twenty-three.
But we're all really seventeen.
I'm America.
I'm seventeen.

Ponytail Is The New Mullet

2009-01-10T03:42:00Z

I set up a table (shop) at the Auburndale Flea Market today. If you want to see mullets, go to a flea market. If you go to a flea market (any flea market in the USA) and you can verify that you did not see one mullet wearing man or woman, I will personally rub your feet.
I arrived early to set up my profit center. As I waited for the office to open, the first employee walked in, grabbed a time card, punched in and in slow motion stroked his luxurious graying mullet.
So, 5 minutes and I already don't have to rub my own feet. However, the mullet do?..doo?..dew? Has a contender. It is the boy ponytail. It's taking over americana.
My head wants one. But my head and I do not see eye to... other eye this time. You see, I had the mullet but my head did not really want one. Just look what my head did to me to punish me. A pony tail was what it craved.
Well, I will now pay retribution on my head. I will forever shave it and leave it with no option. Never will it see even a Hollywood dork knob in back.
You can thank me later... when you get back from the flea market. Don't worry, I won't need to stock up on jergen's lotion.

Spooky, But It Would Help

2008-10-30T05:55:00Z

The following is a prescription for a McCain/Palin Victory.

It's a animated cartoon ad in the style of Southpark.

Door bell rings.
Door opens.

Kid
"Trick Or Treat!"

Woman (yelling back into the house)
"Oh Honey look, how cute. Here's some candy for you."

Kid
hand points into the bag.

Woman
"Oh, you want more? Well... Let's save a little for the others."

Kid
"They already have more than their fair share. Give me theirs and I'll see that someone more deserving gets it."

Woman (looking back into the house)
"Oh Honey, it's little Karl Marx, and he's got the cutest little Barack Obama mask on."

Kid
Mumbles as he walks off, "Trick."

Fade Out

Title: "Barack Obama. He's real generous with other people's candy."

Something I Forgot To Mention About That Burger You Are Eating

2008-10-30T05:46:00Z

Evelyn's favorite thing to eat is a hamburger. For too many years, it was officially called a hamgurber. The name was just too fun to correct. We finally enforced a name change of the burger about a year ago. Tonight, after I compared this week's burger to last week's burger, she uttered with a full mouth, "You mean the burger we ate last week was Elk?"

It slipped my mind to mention that. I do feel that I made up for that omission by stating this, "Yes. The burger you are eating now is elk." After about ten seconds, the chewing resumed.

It was good, by the way.

Animal Pictures

2008-10-25T06:39:00Z

This guy was tricky. He stole the last bite of my sandwich. I think that can get you a $50k fine in some federal parks.

This guy wanted my sandwich.

This guy wanted to BE my sandwich.

She was just interested in posing.

Who Would You Vote For karl marx? Or Jesus?

2008-10-25T05:34:00Z

There is a reason why so many evangelicals are getting fooled into carrying a marxist worldview. Karl planned it that way.

Here's a real quick history lesson. Karl Marx started out as a believer. He was very passionate about God as a teen. Something happened. There's no clear record of how and exactly when it happened, but he did a 180. He suddenly became enraged by the thought of God and the idea of a savior. His anger was what fueled his efforts to create this new "socialism." He figured if he could take away the people's need for a loving God, a Savior, the people would abandon their crosses and their Bibles.

As the legendary Gilbert Godfrey stated (in some movie way before the AFLAC gig came along), "Is there something that I can put in this hand to make you totally forget what's in THIS hand?" The idea is to get The State to replace Jesus, so instead of giving to your fellow man as a good Samaritan, you could just write a check to the government. Better yet, why don't you just let the government take charge of your paycheck and the government will decide how much you need. Perhaps someone else can use this money more than you can. Instead of rendering to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's, it all goes to Caesar.

Caesar is not above buying votes. God, on the other hand does not play that. He simply cares for us and He blesses us when we bless others. Christians, out of the goodness of their hearts get totally tricked into giving their treats to the wrong guy. Then we have less to affect the community with. I truly believe that some of the so-called leaders in this faith community are scams. Just like the TV preachers who fool us into donating our pension fund so we can get money blessings in return. When it comes to what we do with our money, I guess we're not all as wise a serpents and innocent as doves. There is a difference in the spitting social gospel preacher and the hair-sprayed television preacher: With the TV guy, I'd be giving my own money to finance a couple yachts. With the book writing social preacher, I'd be following his lead and voting for someone to forcefully take away not just mine, but other people's earnings to pay for a politician's Aruban armada. This country is on a slip-and-slide into flat-out marxist socialism. And it wasn't just Democrats who voted for government "bail-outs" of banks.

Who 'deserves' the money? I never thought envy was a virtue. I hear it, though. "Rich people should pay their fair share." How is paying a higher tax rate, FAIR? ENVY, my friend. We have justified confiscation of our neighbor's wealth with pet phrases like, "He can afford it." (One candidate stated that very phrase to Bill O'Reilly, guess which candidate.) I once heard someone say that one person looks at a rich person, let's say 'Oprah', and prays to God that he will make what Oprah makes. The other person sees Oprah and prays to God that Oprah would make what he makes. ENVY. You can dress it up for concern for your fellow man, but due to this marxist mentality, we shouldn't even need to pick up that bruised and broken guy on the street. It's the government's job. Thankfully plenty of people are not marxists at heart and there are a lot of rogue Samaritans out there. Hopefully they won't get sued.

So, many evangelicals have traded the freedom in our own hands for the marxism in the state's big old talon. Read his little manifesto. See what's next. Or, better yet; read your history book and see whom you have aligned yourself with.

Hint: _______ Marx, _______ Stalin, ______ Lenin, ______ Hitler, ______ Castro, ____ Zedong, ____ Pot. How many of these guys who liked to "spread the wealth" were buddies with Jesus people?

Why?

2008-10-24T06:30:00Z

I know folks like Obama and all. But is he really THAT skilled as a leader? I don't know anyone who is set to vote for Obama who has stated that they have issues with him at all. This really makes me curious. Most people that I know who are voting for Palin... and McCain have issues. My issue is that McCain says he will create jobs. I don't like that talk. He says that because he feels he has to. IT'S NOT THE GOVERNMENT'S JOB! Most of my friends have some sort of beef with him. So, yes, I'm voting for the guy. I'm not crazy about him. I think he's too liberal for my taste. I'm actually more crazy about his running mate. I enjoy the fact that the press is more concerned with her shoes than her views. Leave it to the bankrupt NY Times to prove that Sexism is alive and well.

If I could just hear, "I'm not comfortable with Obama's "spreading the wealth" philosophy, but I think he would make a great Commander in Chief... If I could just hear, "This election fraud/ACORN connection is terrible, I wish Obama and Biden will call for criminal investigations." But I don't hear that. Is he not too liberal or too conservative for any of his backers?

I hear nothing but praise. I hear how he's going to change things. It all amounts to chants and slogans. Frankly, if you have ever watched footage of Hitler's Youth, this type of devotion should scare you. That may sound offensive, but how often do you hear people ask the question, "How could they let him (Hitler) get away with that?" I can tell you. He promised them National Socialism.

Am I alleging that Obama will take us in the same direction as Hitler? No. Simply stating that most of the "Changelings" that I've heard share the same type of devotion as Adolf's crew.

Tomorrow, on this blog I will talk to the person of faith. What issues are most important to you in an election? Is Marxism a world view that agrees with the Christian world view? Oh, and beware, I might bring up Hitler again. I don't think I can offend many by criticizing him. I'm pretty sure HE would lose an election here... I think.

Things You Don't Tell Your Wife After Moving Her To Colorado

2008-10-13T06:32:00Z

There is no mail delivery here. I'm proud of that. I have to drop in at the post office and pick up my mail. There is screaming fast internet, 200 channels of cable, and a golf course, but no mail.

I found out I didn't get the garbage out in time for the one day of garbage pick-up. The neighbor (I like to call him, "Neighbor") suggested that I call and ask if they can have someone come out and get it. If I explain that we are from "the city" and we are unaccustomed to the ways of the country, they might just help us out. Neighbor was right. The waste transporter came by with his wife in his personal pickup. He insisted that we leave the trash out and he will come back later. "There's too much trash to wait another week." Around supper time, he came and emptied our trash.

So, neighbor did it. He won me over. I now trust everything he says. That's why his second piece of advice was impactful. "You're going to have to get up in the morning and put the trash out before 7:00. I used to leave it out at night, but the bears got to be too much of a hassle." I replied, " I am glad that you did not say that to Kathleen. I had thoughts of changing the word "bear" to "deer" or of simply adding the word "koala" to it. After all, Moses and the Israelites were required to have two eye witnesses to convict a criminal. How could I alert the spouse on account of one random talebearer?

A couple hours later, I went to THE grocery store to buy wasp spray. The reaction of the cashier was merely, "See." I asked, "So you have wasps too?" She replied, "Between the wasps and the bears, they're driving me crazy." My thought: "I'm going to need a LOT more of this spray." That was two witnesses. Does God want me to keep this a secret? Hmm. Immediately, I had a major CSI kind of flash. I envisioned those scratches on the door posts of the back doors... 'Don't think they're from the wasps.

Have you ever seen the Wilderness Family? Where can I get a gun?

So I told Kathleen about those pesky deer.

Safety Smile

2008-10-07T05:43:00Z

"Do you want to have a 'Grape-out' later today?"

Joelle asked me this earlier today. I didn't know at the time what a grape-out is, but I was sure it is good.
Yes, it is good. Taste the quiet moments as you do simple, seemingly insignificant things together.

Yesterday, I decided to step out on the back porch and gaze at the Greenhorn Mountains. I leaned against the railing and the girls (Evelyn and Joelle) peeked out the window as if they needed permission to join me. I motioned to them much like the Carribean traffic officer in the "If We Had Wings" ride at Disney. Think of my daughters as my little flamingos. Evelyn joined me and one minute later Joelle appeared with a huge cluster of red globe grapes. They are worth fishing for the seeds. I had some grapes with me already but she knew that we needed more provisions. The three of us stood and cracked open grapes and spit them out over the deck. "Squish, slosh, spit." I didn't know at the time, but this will forever be known as a "grape-out."

By request, we did enjoy a grape-out today. It was a little less satisfying as we were missing the "spit." All we had left were seedless grapes. Mollie banged on the door. She became the youngest grape-out participant in the history of the event. We, did basically run inside screaming due to the arrival of a couple blood-thirsty wasps. We barely escaped their grasp.

Tonight's bed-time prayer with the girls (I know. There a lot of hyphens in this.) had a little P.S. After the worship and the praises and the intercessions, I threw in a heart-felt "Thank you Lord for the Grape-Out."

As I opened my eyes, I looked at Joelle. She was sporting that still, strong smile that I call the "Safety Smile." It's more than life's little cookie. That smile is the meal that somehow has the sweetness of a dessert. As it is certainly an indicator of joy and true belonging, it is also a carrier pigeon of the same. You can never arrange for a safety smile, but God will bring them. He's good like that. Just step out and grab a cluster.

Are We There Yet?

2008-10-02T03:39:00Z

We are here. Colorado City. As we drove a mile or two away from the interstate, the beauty just started splashing me. I feel like I am in Switzerland. I feel like I should be singing songs while frolicking in the green meadows. I feel like some blond lady with braids and prickly leg hair should walk out from around the corner leading a cow to some place where cows get to go.

Earlier today stopped and enjoyed a volcanic mountain in New Mexico. Knowing that we were about to go into the crater of a former volcano, Evelyn had a good question. "Do volcanoes ever blow up more than once in the same place." I told her it was unlikely, but it has happened. This gave me a great idea for next time. Bring a huge smoke bomb and set it under some of the rocks down in the crater. Then watch the tour bus ladies sprint uphill.

I did ask the park ranger lady at the store if they had any books among the 30-35 that they were selling which would tell about volcanoes from an intelligent design perspective. She said, "No."

Big blessing today as Mollie turned 1 year old. We visited the volcano, introduced her to our new house, had pizza, went to Target (Yes, that's how lame we are. We bought her presents today.), and had carrot cake.
The pizza place was a big blessing as the manager gave us all kinds of free stuff.
We were blessed to see hundreds of pronghorn sheep. If I start hunting, I know where I'm going.

I've been working on an idea to start a skunk hunt, an annual event to just bust a cap in every smelly little critter we could find. They have basically nothing to worry about. You can't eat them. I could not open the window of our Kampin' Kabin thanks to the smell all night. We must have passed through the "stunk of the skunk" 15 times. I think it's time to thin the herd. However, I might face some opposition from the Bass daughters. I commented today of how stinky it is when we pass a dead skunk. She stated that it was not stinky, "it's sad."

I hate it when they're right.

Rubber Neckin'

2008-09-30T03:44:00Z

George Jones used to sing, "He stopped lovin' her today."

I realized today that I was driving with my eyes looking forward. I guess for the last couple days I had been driving while looking backward with my head and my tongue sticking out like the characers in a package of Hot Rod stickers. I never did collect the U-Haul Box truck one. If I did, I probably would have traded it for the purple Chevy Nova with the stickshift sticking all the way out the roof.

It wasn't until today when we passed the half-way mark, the ponte du non returnoise (I know it's not real french, but if you say it outloud you could fool your neighbors... unless you live in Quebec) that I remembered the coolness of the place we are headed.

I learned this tip from a trucker lady. This is a tip on how to keep your kids entertained. - "Give them each a lemmon. That's what my mom used to do. She'd poke a hole in it and give it to us. It would keep us busy for hours." Where was the hidden camera? I happen to know that this is a woman who still uses a CB Radio as a primary form of communication. Does she realize what those lemmons are up against these days? Not only PSP's and iPods. They've got infomercials. You can't take a kid who has just watched the benefits of the Weed Weasel and just hand her a lemon. This thing is ridiculous. It doesn't get your grape stains clean. It doesn't teach you how to make money on e-bay. It doesn't even come with a money back guarantee. However, I guess you could look at it this way, in today's world, if Mom hands you a lemon, grab the Majic Bullet and make lemonade.

Blessings:
- We All are healthy and safe.
- We got in and out of Cracker Barrell faster than we would at fast food.
- The Kampin Kabin is more comfortable (and cleaner) than our Motel room from last night.
- We saw literally hundreds of hawks in the sky at the same time. I think they were trying to work up an economic bail out plan for the buzzards.

Yes, 6 Should Be Afraid Of 7

2008-09-29T03:30:00Z

We this visited the kid's joke today:
"Why is 6 afraid of 7?"
Answer: "Because 7, 8, 9."*
I've always struggled with the wisdom of that one. I figured, why profile 7? Why should I assume that 7 was capable of numeric cannibalism just because he was a previous offender? Perhaps he has been reformed. Perhaps 9 provoked the savage actions of the number 7. I guess I figured 8 lives next door to this number. Why can't 6 show faith in the system and continue to live next door without triple locking the door?
Joelle had the answer to that. "6 looks just like 9, just turned upside down." She's right. I now believe that 6 would be the obvious choice for 7 to snack on. If I were 6, I would move. Perhaps to Colorado.
Blessings: More wisdom from conversations with a 9 year-old and a 6 year-old.
We spotted a beautiful fox and it was not squished like the deer.
We met the nicest older couple from Winter Haven. They were fellow members of the Kingdom of God. Mollie gave the man a hug. If you've ever gotten a hug on the leg from a one-year old, you've been blessed.

*I have no idea who to credit with that joke. If you invented it, would you take the credit?

Living Out the Words To A Willie Nelson Song

2008-09-28T03:32:00Z

Yes, we are truly on the road again. The Bassfam is heading west again. This time we are pointing at Pike's pointyness. Hard to believe, but is it really?

Right now, we are in Troy, Alabama (for those who are playing the Bassfam Travels at home board game).

The two older girls were riding with me in the 17 ft. U-Haul. I decided to create a new game. One of these days I'm coming up with a good one and everyone will play it when they drive places. It will rival punch buggy and... well, that's why I'm working on a new one. It's time. Let the VW game go to pasture. It's lived a good life.

So my game was as follows. "Girls, let's play this," I said, "Ask me three questions. Anything at all." I figured I was setting myself up to show how dumb THIS dad can be, but I wanted to know, what were the most burning questions on their minds.

Joelle's first question: "How many highways are there in all of America?"

Dad's answer: "Wow. I have NO idea. A bunch. A whole lot." Joelle's first question suddenly became the last. The three question game is now a one hit blunder, a collector's item of conversations.

My thought, as I debated myself over whether or not to do the research for the real answer was, "I don't know how many roads, but I would like to drive them all. The thing is, I REALLY like to travel. Is that a hobby or a habit? I have no interest in gambling, boozing it up, or iPhones. OK, perhaps I am a little iCurious about the Apple gadget. But I don't really have those vices for the kids to write in their memoir. Is it possible that my kids will have this memory of their dad? It's me coming home late and stating, "Honey, I moved our family again. I'm sorry, we have no money for diapers."

I look forward to this trip. I look forward to this chapter. I DO have real doubts like a guy the night before his wedding. Oh, not me. I mean, some other guy that I know. Some jerk. Anyway, I will elaborate more on why this move was needed later.

For now, I will list some small miracles that happened already:
On moving day:
- The truck rental people, a nice couple in Jupiter, FL happens to be moving to the exact same place. Nearly the same time, too. They gave us over $1000 off the rental price. They added free miles and gave a total of 10 days.
- The security guard let me into our development with the truck when it was 5:05 pm
- A brother of mine and a friend of his came over and grabbed and lifted and shoved and after almost three hours had a truck packed so tight I will most likely need much WD-40 to get that first item out once I begin to unload.
- As we started our trek, the hungry travelers needed to stop for much beverage and food. The Burger King lady gave 2 free toys, a free box of fries, and a pack of free chicken ink blot looking things.
On First day of official travel:
- The Kids did great.
- We remain safe.
- The two cars that I watched collide, at an intersection in Gainesville, carried passengers who were apparently not hurt.
- We found a very affordable motel and I got to listen to the front desk clerk share Jesus with the customer in front of me.

So Willie get's the credit for singing that song (and making that movie with Dyan Cannon). However, we simply get the credit for living it out the song. As I stated to a friend, we made good on our threat. We moved again.

And, I like to travel? Is that all? No, Im also kind of good at it. Is THAT all? Well, is anything really ever "ALL?"

Texas Tea

2008-03-07T14:57:00Z

Have you ever looked at a state and thought, "I wonder if I could afford to live there if the economy went so sour that I had to pick berries and kill horny toads to feed my family?" Oh. Well...I have. There are a few things that a guy needs, even if he wants or doesn't want, really needs in life.
A good pair of boots.
Shoes are good. they might even be a staple, but boots are the only thing we call boots. Even if they sit in the closet until you attend your daughter's hayride harvest hoedown. I'm sorry, but I have no idea how to spell hoedown and I'm real uneasy mentioning the word in the same sentence as daughter, so let's move on. Just believe me, you will look cool in boots. They are more comfortable than you think. Even if they are the pointy kind, they're not the kind of pointy that the women know about when they wear those shoes that stick out about a car-length ahead of their largest, most forward thinking toe.
A worthy pocket knife.
You need to be able to do this: Pick a peach. Whip out your sodbuster pocket knife and cut it up into manageable wedges. Eating a peach without cutting it is like letting it have the last word. It's like being punked by the fruit before it dies. You are on it's bucket list. After you enjoy your peach, you wipe both sides of the knife on your jeans, close the knife, and slip it in your pocket right next to your cell phone which is in the same pocket as your keys and your iPod. I recommend Case brand of pocket knife. They are still made in USA. If you shopped all day, it might be the only thing you could find which was not made in China. Buy one and pretend that you are finished supporting a communist military regime with stuff pointing at our grandmas.
A piece of land to call his Zone.
It's just wrong to feel that you can't pee in the bushes without offending someone or getting arrested. What if you have a son? What's he gonna think? That you just urinate in toilets? You may not believe me, but that boy will need treatment when he gets older.
A dog.
A mans best friend is his dog. This means they get to pee outside together. Plus the pooch gets to do more. If you rent, or live in the city, you are required to pick up the soft steamy remains of his/her bottom art. You have once again been punked. You get to walk around with the prize in a thin plastic publix bag. We are not meant to serve any animal lie this. You wouldn't do that for your... well... even bestest friend. I hope you wouldn't. People who do stuff like that usually end up in a happy house with a male nurse teaching them crafts. Or they get a grant from the National Endowment for The Arts. Man, you need the dog, but the dog needs some land.
I got the boots and the knife. I'm heading to Texas. Does that mean we are moving there? Too early to tell. There are still plots of land that you can buy for less than a grand per acre. Most other places are out of my price range right now. Is there some cowboy in me? You bet. Will I like Texas and decide that we will search for our "Bubbling Crude?" I don't know.
So, that's the journey. I'm following some of my own advice. I don't do that all the time. This time, I have to figure it out for the people who look to me. The three little ones who call me "Daddy" (actually one of them just calls me "Aaaa!") and the other one who calls me... Paul.
Dallas, Abilene, Wichita Falls, San Angelo, Alpine. In search of some land and a dog... and a reasonable sized tree for both of us.

Where's Home?

2007-01-17T15:26:00Z

    Yesterday, we went to visit some friends in North Carolina. Joelle asked if we are going to sleep there. I said, "No, we are coming home to sleep." She asked, "Where's home?"
    I was refering to the place where we currently reside (A palace in South Carolina with our favorite generous Grizwald relatives). We have been the Randy Quaid character and his family for three months. We even spent Christmas with them and I was tempted to ask Bill to buy all of our gifts. "Here's a little list I put together. Oh, and get something nice for yourself. Put yourself down for the Jelly of The Month Club. Bill. It's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year long."
    As movie-worthy as our life has been for the past three months, we are in need of a place to call "Home." ...And we can't do that without a job.
Heading to Florida. It feels like home. Three out of four of our Bass family members were born in Florida. Two of us don't like the cold at all. Two of us have a certain joy that only comes out in the water. So, I guess it makes sense. Let's head back.
    At the dinner table, Kathleen spoke of, "when we go home," and it rolled out almost unnoticed. There you have it. I would not have noticed, if it were not pointed out to me.
    As much as I enjoy the idea of finding a hilly country home with a stream, I realize that Florida has not been sufficiently drained out of my blood. The magnetic pull is too close. If we were to make a real break from the sunshine state, it would have to be Montana (Kathleen would mutiny that) or, say, California.
    Oh yeh, we did that.

Should I See Myself On TV?

2006-12-31T17:09:00Z

Today is the day of the TLC show that features our family. The Learning Channel will air the show about Resolutions here on the eve of the New Year. We are in Myrtle Beach at a somewhat fancy hotel which is slightly past it's prime. There is no internet, so I found a Starbucks. I know. How do you have a Hotel without the internet? Plus: Our TV doesn't even work. Now we are on a quest to find a TV to watch it. Do we go into a restaurant and pretend that there is a reason that they should switch their channel to TLC. Hey, I will have my entourage with me. We should have four, maybe five people ready to ask for continual refills of water and maybe a tea. That should make it worth it for them.
Well, in case we miss it, can you tell us how it went? And by 'how it went' I mean: Tell us that it went well until I'm ready to handle it if it did not. Give me a week.